Hospice

from February 25, 2007 myspace blog

I am at a loss... I just spent an hour trying to talk to mom and explain things to her, and she just doesn't understand. It's not her fault, it's the tumor, I know. but I am emotionally exhausted and I am doing the best I can. She has been at the skilled nursing facility for 3 weeks, and physical therapy doesn't think she is improving.. it is time for hospice. Mom said she is tired, and wants to go home. She has made it clear that she will not be admitted to the hospital again, even if it is life threatening.. that she just wants to go home. I asked the doctor today about prognosis, and he said "I would say weeks."

I want more than anything to bring her home if that is what she wants, I just don't know how.. I know hospice will help with a lot of things, but they will not be there every time she needs something... they have needed 2 people to turn her from side to side to take care of certain things, and I am not strong enough to do it myself. I knew we would get to this point sometime, I just don't know if I'm ready... I feel like I am just floating through the days now, not really here.. stress doesn't even begin to cover it..I just wonder how I can keep it up, how much can one person handle.. but she needs me, and I want to give her this last thing somehow.

blog comments: 

oh amy,

i am so sorry. i know this is unbelievably overhwelming and sad for you. i am praying for your mom and for you..
loren

Amy, I don't even know where to begin.  I'm so sorry to hear that the prognosis isn't getting any better.  But even more than that, I hate that you're having to deal with so much of this on your own.  I have no words to explain how truely sorry I am to hear that you're having such a rough time.  Your mom must be so proud of you and appreciative for you taking such good care of her.  You're doing the best you can and that's more than so many people could do.  Please know I"m praying for you and if you need anything, let me know.  Even if you just need to talk or get out of the house for a little while...whatever you need!  

Posted by Kelly